He Never Hit Me


  1. He called me every name in the book.
  2. He lied to me.
  3. He forced me to not have friends
  4. He would freak out if I did or said certain things.
  5. He monitored what I wore.
  6. He monitored who I was talking too and what it was about.
  7. He monitored where I was.
  8. He degraded me.
  9. He demanded me to do things, not ask.
  10. He never felt bad or apologized when he was in the wrong.
  11. He blame me that I caused his shitty behavior.
  12. He pulled my hair, pinched so hard I’d bruise, shove me.
  13. He would go through my phone.
  14. He would say he is going to burn some of my clothing he didn’t like.
  15. He would say he will murder me if I ever cheated on him, even though I never gave him a reason to think I would.
  16. He thought he was better than me.
  17. He was mean to my family.
  18. He would call me 80+ times if I ignored him, even though he would ignore me.
  19. He forced me to do things I did not want to do.
  20. He didn’t want me to look pretty.

I’m not writing this for pity. I’m not writing this for other people to tell me I was stupid for staying so long.

Why did I stay so long? Why do others stay in this situation?

  1. “Because he was so nice and amazing at first.”
  2. “Because he loves me.”
  3. “Because I wont find anybody else.”
  4. “Because I don’t want to be alone.”
  5. “Because it’s not that bad.”
  6. “Because it’s not a big deal.”

I’m writing this so others in this situation know that even if HE/SHE DOESN’T hit you this is still abuse! Every single thing I listed is abuse. If you or someone you know is in a relationship like this, Please tell them they all start out amazing and nice, that is not love, you will find someone else, you will love again, it IS that bad and it is a BIG DEAL! You can rationalize their behavior all you want, but at the end of the day, it is abuse. He may not have hit you, yet, but it’s ABUSE. And you don’t deserve that. You are WORTHY of something way way more! If you are dealing with this please talk to someone you trust and will be there for you until you are finally able to leave for good. If you don’t have someone, I am here. Email me at jktranter@gmail.com or you can find me on Instagram @juliaakaylinn




37 thoughts on “He Never Hit Me

  1. acoffeeaday2016 says:

    Hey I am not contacting you for help with an abusive significant other I just wanted to say i really admire people who are not afraid to speak out like this. Keep doing what you’re doing!

  2. bmagpub says:

    I find this post hard to like, if you understand what I mean. Abuse is abuse, and often starts as psychological, and moves to physical. And people do not understand that when you have become so psychologically abused that you are unable to think clearly enough to get out. Luckily you found the strength to do so, and this strength you have will lead your recovery. I wish you well for your journey, and thank you for sharing something so personal. You are very brave.

  3. juliakaylin says:

    Once you realise that some of those thing are wrong and are out of denial that “it isn’t that bad”. You have to realise you dont deserve that!

  4. Ward Clever says:

    I’m sorry you experienced even one of these, Julia. Also… I’m a little worried about myself now, because I’d say yes to a large number of things on that list. But, I’m working on that.

    I’m happy you got out of that situation, and I agree, it’s hard to get out.

  5. gaybrielblogs says:

    In the first blog I shared I discussed how mentally detrimental my first relationship was to my mental state. Thank you for letting us in like this, sometimes we need to hear it’s okay to leave!

  6. smudge says:

    … and that ‘someone’ you find may just be yourself! Finding dignity, finding strength, finding purpose, finding self worth! It’s not an overnight revelation; I’m rounding out my 8th year on this journey of self- discovery and self-realization. But, it’s so worth it! No more selling myself short! Realizing I have choices!

  7. inspirationforeverydaylife says:

    Relationship is a connection between different kind of ideas, desires, pleasures and reasons. Even it’s hard or nice, relationship will teach us something that exists in our own nature, SOCIABLILITY the problem isn’t that someone hurt you, or nice with you. It’s wrong to look just for the nice in our life, the bad ones are here for reason. There’s a reason that we pass through these hard moments with some nasty people, the cosmic journey starts from here how we can build our love from the hurt and the injuries that caused by the others? People who know how to keep love and fall in love and keep seeing the hearts of people with eyes of love after any hard moments possess the true complacency of true love.

  8. Sean says:

    I’ve been on the receiving end of abuse. It’s terrible, isolating, and in those individual acts of abuse is a terrible violation of the trust and love that you have given.
    There is no justification for abuse of any kind towards anyone else. We all deserve to be loved and respected.

    Thank you for sharing, and I’ll hope that moving forward you find someone truly deserving, who makes this pain a very distant memory.

  9. poemsfromtheperimeter.wordpress.com says:

    Wow Julia, what a brave and important post, and how smart you are to have become aware of how abusive he truly was. I’m so sorry that he was so controlling and horrible and completely unworthy of wonderful you. On the bright side, you are young and yet you’ve learned something so valuable that you’ll carry with you forever… plus you are helping others. Many pats on the back for your good work, and many hugs because wonderful you deserves them, and of course you also deserve someone totally wonderful who treats you with true love and respect : ) Stay strong and happy, and proud of yourself!

  10. tacara31 says:

    Oh my, I have chills. I have been through this but I was hit daily. Salute to you on being so brave

  11. bethanyk says:

    We were JUST talking about this subject. I am so glad you wrote about it. Most don’t understand what happens behind the scenes and how you cope in your mind. I did learn today that shoving is against the law and considered battery. Thank you for writing this honest post!

  12. Photography says:

    Emotional Abuse, is far harder to escape from than physical. The physical we see, the bruises and fell the broken bone. Emotional abuse waers one thin on so many levels, mentally draining, both with the mental energy it takes to hold it together, while zapping all self esteem, till you believe what you are told. “Every day in every way I am getting better and better” It can seem a hollow refrain at first the dim light of hope, that grows stronger. One doesn’t have to see how one is getting better, only to believe one is. Religious belief aside, give thanks for your food, ask for it to be blessed with health and prosperity for body mind and spirit thoughts made into words manifest. Our tunnel can seem so dark yet these two techniques can bring you to the light you need in your life to fly free of your abusive situation. Avoid putting down your abuser, simply believe in yourself one moment and one day at a time.

  13. Catherine Whitfield says:

    Totally relate to this hun & you’re so right, it’s vital that we fully define abuse and make people aware of the escalation route. Whether it’s to save a life or to stop the judgement of the ignorant that increases the fear of coming forward. So well written… thank you

  14. LazyLeonard💭 says:

    Girl, you are smart for getting out.

    You’re not stupid. This happens to so many people because they know how to manipulate you to feel in half. Half is your fault. Half is theirs.

    You’re smart for getting out. This kind of control and abuse often leads to a loss of life.

  15. strictmotivation4u says:

    what a very alarming and necessary post you made. thank you for sharing your story and singing your song. he didnt hit with his fists, but absuive relationships and domestic abuse comes in so many forms, not just the black eye. and those cuts and blows leave scars too. take your time to heal and know that all the abuse attempts cannot change the fact that you are truly beautiful and he is far beneath the soles of your shoes. #StrictMotivation

  16. 409poetry says:

    So true! I’ve been there and I held on to false hope longer than I should have. Everyone deserves love and respect.

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